comments

Currently, this blog set-up requires me to approve each comment that is written.  That’s why your comments don’t appear immediately after you write them.  We’re going to try to turn off that feature so that comments will automatically be posted without my approval.

Be sure to read the comments under Breaking News to see Márk’s Szeged Fish Soup recipe!

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the ratio

This has been a good week.  Last Friday three friends from the US came and babysat the boys while Laura and I went to Lake Balaton for the night.  We had a blast!  (Thanks Liz, Katherine, and Kami!) It was a really great time of relaxing and talking by the lake.  It has been a year since we’ve had the chance to get away like that.  What in the world? 

This getaway prompted us to think about marriage this week.  It’s easy to let our home-life revolve around the kids and around parenting.  Life keeps moving and it is also easy to neglect or overlook the importance of our marriage.  I’ve said it before, but it is easy to let marriage slip into “cruise-control.” 

Today I spent some time with a friend thinking about what makes for a healthy marriage.  John Gottman has a fantastic book entitled “Why Marriages Succeed or Fail” which sheds some unusual light upon this subject.  Gottman writes, “…happiness isn’t found in a particular style of fighting or making up.  Rather, our research suggests that what really seperates contented couples from those in deep marital misery is a healthy balance between their positive and negative feelings and actions toward each other.”

In fact, after studying 2000 married couples, Gottman found a very specific ratio for healthy, lasting marriages.  That magic ratio is 5 to 1…..as long as there is five times as much positive feeling and interaction between husband and wife as there is negative, we found the marriage is likely to be stable.”  He continues to say that based upon this ratio he is able to predict, with a high degree of accuracy, whether or not a marriage will endure.

Well finally, we have a mathematical formula to solve the problem of marriage!  🙂  Actually it makes a lot of sense, and this is why “cruise-control” is so dangerous for marriages. 

Now my friend had a good point today.  He said, “This seems a little artificial.  I can imagine a wife becoming overwhelmed or irritated as the husband is attempting to throw so many positive things her way and keeping track of his “ratio” all the while.”  Yep.  Great point.  Laura never likes it when I pull out my “ratio” chart.  🙂  Just kidding.  I really don’t have a “ratio” chart.  But this raises the question of authenticity and how marriages change for the better.

For me, even an akward, somewhat forced positive gesture comes from an authentic desire to grow and improve.  With time and practice these akward and seemingly inauthentic acts can become genuine expressions of the heart.  We’re talking about the heart afterall.

So we’re having a great time nurturing our marriage this week, learning and re-learning, and accentuating the positive.

hajam

Szeretném elmesélni a napomat.  Ma reggel, amikor mentem a HÉV-hez, megálltam a fodrásznál megtudni, hogy van-e szabad hely.  Régóta nagyon hosszu a hajam.  Ildinek, a fodrászomnak volt szabad ideje és levágta a hajamat.  Most nagyon jól érzem magam.  Hajvágás után HÉV-vel elmentem a Belvárosba.  Aztán elgyalogoltam az irodámba.

Segítségedet és finomítasadat köszönöm Ági!

Breaking News

record breaking Carp

THIS JUST IN…

Mikuska Márk has caught a record breaking Carp at Préri Lake this past Weekend.  Please be advised, these are human-eating fish.  So do not try this at home.

common carp

The scientific name for this fish is Cyprinus carpio, and it is also known as Carp, German carp, Mirror carp, Israeli carp.  The world record carp is actually 82 lbs. 3 oz and was caught in Romania.

Top Ten Articles

This is my 98th post! The thing I love the most about blogging is how it keeps us connected with friends…here in Budapest and around the world. In the near future my friend Matthew will help me rebuild and redesign this blog on a WordPress platform. Keep your eyes peeled!

In order to celebrate my first 100 posts I have selected my top ten favorite posts thus far. Here they are, in no particular order:

World Cup and a 5K race

The World Cup is in full swing, and everyone is feeling the buzz in Europe. Unfortunately America was crushed by Czech Republic yesterday 3-0. Dang it! Amazingly, there are 3.2 million fans in Germany now watching these games, and 30 million people around the world are following them as well. Whoa!

Péter and I ran in a 5K race on Sunday. We did it in 26 minutes! That is the faster than the speed of sound isn’t it? Actually it was a really fun experience. There was about 500 runners, most of them behind us. 🙂 Next on the list is a 10K. And after that a 40K (marathon)!